Day 283: He Knows Me Too Well

It's amazing what happens when you ask God to speak to you. For a while, I've felt a bit separate from Him because I haven't "heard" Him; as much as I'd like to hear an audible voice calling out to me, I know that's not God's way. I've also felt like there's a possibility that He HAS been speaking to me, but I've been a bit blindsided to hear/see the message; if I'm oblivious to signals or mouthed speaking, then I figure the chances of me getting God's word clearly is much less likely. However, that doesn't rule out God's grace over my life. This morning, I volunteered to help with Sunday morning choir (because college is on break, students don't have to attend their fieldwork/church life rosters; I saw the need and I filled it). What I got out of it was a word from the Lord, clearer than anything else in the morning. We had a guest speaker, Chris Hodges, who gave an incredible message about "dropping some clingy baggage". In every person, there's a part of them that has an obstacle or limitation that sticks close, with no visible way to freedom. For me, it was Chris's fifth point: Un-repented sin. There's been a massive burden on my heart for a very, very long time, one that I've been trying to let go but continue to struggle with. I've asked God for forgiveness over this part of me throughout this struggle's existence, but I've never REALLY repented of it. My mentality was that if I asked for forgiveness, God would HELP me take the baggage off my back; it wasn't until this morning's message that I got the true revelation: It's up to me to change. God can influence change (which He has been doing since my being here), but in the end, it's my individual decision to accept His influence and make it part of my life. It's never easy, but I know what I have to do. The only problem is I tend to be too lazy to act on what I know I should do. So readers of my adventures, I have a request: God is slowly reforming my heart, but I can't wait for Him to be finished; I know I have responsibilities in this too. I ask for prayer that I can receive a spiritual motivation and growing desire to get closer to Him; I refuse to get so consumed in serving the house to the point I forget why I'm truly there in the first place. I would appreciate that, more than you know.

God bless,
Steven