Now What?

It's been just over 24 hours since I've returned to the Golden State; 3 years on the other side of the world certainly has done me good, but home is home and I can honestly say it's been a blast. I've spent most of the past 48 hours looking back and reminiscing at everything that was; it was a lot to go through, but everything was worth going through. The plane ride was where I really got the sense of what was happening; the last few weeks leading up to my departure from Sydney I didn't have a particular emotional reaction to the fact that this season was over and that I was going home in a matter of days. I remained pretty relaxed about it the whole time, and it wasn't until I was on a plane over the Pacific that I figured out why I was so relaxed. Most people would think that going into the next season of your life would have lots of varied emotions and thoughts attached to it all, but I found myself in a position where there actually was no fear or doubt (I believe Australian culture would describe it as "no worries"). Over time I developed a sense of confidence in the decision I made, and despite all my incredible friends joking around about me staying or straight up telling me not to leave, I remained in my confidence. It had nothing to do with them, but it was more internal for me because I just felt it in my heart that I made the right decision. I didn't know exactly what would happen or what I would do, but I knew that God was in control, and that worry had no place in my life at this point. Before I knew it, I could see the city lights of Oakland, California while the plane was making it's descent; I took this time to just thank Him for everything in my journey, and I prayed for my next season. If there is one thing I'm aware of, it's that God will be the constant, consistent One in my life; doesn't matter if I'm in Sydney, San Francisco, Toronto, Oslo, or Durban because my God is right there with me, slowly unveiling the plan for my life. Then we get to the moment I saw my parents from a distance, watching the gate to see their son walking in their direction; sharing that classic parent-child embrace made the 20 hour trip worth it. These two believed in me, supported me regardless of how good or bad the situation over here was; the joy in their faces made me get emotional for the first time since I left Sydney. The car ride back consisted of me sharing how I felt being back and my parents sharing how things are here; I was just glad to be with them again. Today it was all about family; I feel like this will end up being what my week looks like, and I'm more than fine with that. There's a genuine peace in this house, the Psalm 65:11 House (I'll probably make a whole post about it). All this to say, I'm not worried for this next season. At all. There's lots to discover and explore, and I just want to jump right in and get amongst it. As JT Daly sings, "a better life is waiting." As Brian Houston says, "the best is yet to come." As the Word says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I can live on that.

Fare Thee Well

Fact: saying goodbye to good friends is hard. Whether we like it or not, there comes a time where God summons us to the next season of our lives, and in most cases (if not all) you have to leave people you've come to know and love. Every six months, I find myself in this position, but on the side of the person watching friends move on to greater things yet to come; almost every time, I;m inspired by seeing them go, knowing well what they will be doing to advance the Kingdom, but at the same time it's just a rough patch to get through. Half the time, it's an emotional bummer, but the other half is excitement for them; being in the middle I feel is hardest. I've been here two and a half years, and every end of the semester I see incredible, inspiring people either go home or somewhere different while new incredible, inspiring people arrive unaware that's what they'll end up being. I've put a lot of thought into what the next season looks like. The answer or conclusion still has yet to reveal itself. At least I have the reassurance of knowing that whatever it looks like, wherever it takes place and for however long, God's got a plan. That's really what's gotten me through the majority of my college experience. I've got six months left (as far as I know), and I want to make the best of it.

Packing Season

So I've got a couple days before I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again (always wanted to use that somewhere), and packing is the last thing on my mind. I'm in a position where I'm going to need to filter through my stuff, getting rid of the things I don't need and placing new stuff in; I did a little filtering before I came back to the States, but that was mostly paperwork and random bits and pieces. In terms of clothes, I tend to get stuff to last for a year; that's the way it's been every year I've been away in Australia; there hasn't been a need to buy clothes in Sydney, and considering clothes are pricey out there, I'm grateful for that (you have no idea how grateful I am for Old Navy and their $20 jeans I've been living off of for the past several years). Now that I think about it, that's been a small but consistent testimony of God's provision throughout my life; today, I don't have Old Navy jeans, and that's because of God's providing for my family so that we can be blessed a little more than we've been. My dad's told me stories of how back in Nicaragua having Levi's meant you were super awesome and rich or something like that, and how he always wanted to have them. While I've been home, I've acquired like 5 pairs of Levi's (most of them on sale too #balleronabudget), and... a few of them are slim fit. Now I want to express why this is a big deal for me; you might find this funny and little weird, but trust me, it's a progressive life thing. My entire life my mom has had a tendency to get me clothes that are a bit bigger than I would normally be comfortable in, because she figured I would "grow into them". Thing is, I've only ever had baggy jeans that I never fit into, and it wasn't until Australia that I realized this; after all, it is Sydney's fault that I heard of the concept of skinny jeans to begin with. Now, before you think, "Oh man, Steven's conforming to the ways of society!", I want to stress that these are SLIM fit, which means they're the middle ground between straight leg and skinny; it's very snug, but not to the point where it could potentially cut off circulation to my legs. Just writing this is making me laugh a little; all I know is I'll probably get some witty banter from my college friends when I wear them in public. Anyways, back to packing. Basically all I'm taking is my 2012 clothes and a couple other things, including my PS3. I'm excited for this year, I really am; I'm just not looking forward to SFO's security...

2012: An Empty Canvas

Art's always been a big part of my life. No question about that. For as long as I can remember I found such happiness in putting a pencil to paper and seeing what my imagination would come up with. I don't consider myself a "good" artist, but I consider myself a passionate one. There's just a peace of mine that overtakes me when I draw; well, more like when I drew. To be honest, I don't do much of that anymore. Mainly because of the fact that the convenient resource of papers and pencils/pens aren't around and at my disposal as much as they once were, but also because the drive of my imagination has transformed over the years. Growing up, drawing was really my only way of expressing and exercising my imagination and creativity, but nowadays I do other things. Even the word "artist" has transformed in my world; I don't just see pencil and paper, but now I see pictures, cameras, instruments, CDs, lights, etc. I once considered myself an artist. I once considered myself a musician. Those things are present in my life still, but in a less prominent way. The whole being versatile thing has been the course of my life; it's also turned out to be one of my greatest weaknesses. Sure, I can draw, sing, act, play piano/bass/xylophone/triangle/guitar, film, direct, and whatever else I do, but I can't say I'm completely all about one specific thing. That's what's lead me to this very moment. I was supposed to do two years of study at the Hillsong International Leadership College; I've done exactly that, but now I'm returning for another year. Guess two years wasn't enough for me to get the big picture. But... this could very well be the year. That's why I'm looking at this year as an empty canvas. I am looking at this canvas through the eyes of my inner child, a simple artist. I might not have a lot of expertise and skill with a pencil or brush, but I know someone who was skilled enough to paint the stars, draw out oceans, brush in mountains, and throw in over 7 billion people into this masterpiece called our universe (and sure, maybe there is a galaxy far, far away with more lifeforms celebrating the demise of the Dark Side, but who really knows. Maybe Lucas was on to something...) I am confident in the fact that when I'm unsure of touching my pencil to the canvas, I have the one true artist to guide my hand and help me create something beautiful, something to remember. Something worth living for. There's been a lot of challenges in my journey as a college student, and a couple are still a challenge even as I type. Through it all, it's been one thing that's kept me going: the one true artist. Without Him, I would have been lost a long time ago. So this year, I'm living on purpose. This year, I'm not holding back because of insecurities or past failures. This year, I will realize my full potential, and in His name I will go where He sends me.

To be honest, it feels good to be on this blog of mine again; it's been too long. Here's to hopefully making this a part of my life too (just not every day, because that was borderline stressful on me. I'm very big on continuity.)

- Steven (Psalm 37:4)