Day 269: Hearing God

Lately, there's been a lot of things happening around me concerning hearing the voice of God. This is something I've always wanted to develop and master; I've been looking forward to getting to that point in my relationship with God where I could hear Him loud and clear. Today, church seemed to be all about that; Sy Rogers spoke on living in obedience to God's ways, and Robert Fergusson spoke on spiritual guidance and hearing God. I don't find this to be coincidence; in fact I find this to be God at work in me. I've spent many years praying to God for all kinds of things, hoping that I would get a tangible response from Him; as I got older, it became more clear that God just doesn't work that way. God has no physical limitations like I do. God doesn't have a short attention span and lack of clarity like I do. He's God!! His ways are higher than my ways, and that's all that matters. I don't have to be worried about the future. I don't have to try and picture God speaking to me as if He was a physical person sitting next to me. I don't have to limit my view of Him to the extent that I do. Yet I do it anyway. I do it because I'm human; I can't help but worry, imagine, and try to find the answers I don't need. I don't need to know God's system of work; all I need to know is that He knows what He's doing. God is in control in my life, and no matter how many time I stumble along the way, He always has a place in His heart for me; a place that doesn't shrink or lose value every time I mess up. That whole thought convicts me every time; how can God have so much love for me that even when I screw up daily, His love doesn't change? How can I learn from my mistakes and trust Him more and more as I move forward? Why does this relationship have to be so hard to maintain? I ask these questions a lot, and I get the same answer a lot: "Because you're not seeking me hard enough." I feel like God tells me all the time to step it up, to take a stand for my beliefs and build my relationship with Him. The only obstacle? ME. In my spiritual life, I am my enemy; I am my ultimate flaw and weakness. My spirit may want to grow in my God relationship, but because of my humanity, I find it harder and harder the more I try. I don't stay consistent like I should. I don't pray enough in a day. I don't spend as much time with God as I most definitely should. I don't always live up to standards I set for myself a while back. Looking back at it all, I'm a very professional screwup; but regardless of my failures to stay faithful, God remains everything I can't be. He remains faithful, pure, patient, passionate, loyal, encouraging, comforting, trustworthy, and loving every single moment I am not. God is seriously the man. He's just awesome!
This is where you come in. I see myself in a place that's getting harder to survive in with every new day that comes. I see myself desiring so much to grow, but being too lazy to actually get up and make an effort. I see myself truly in need of a God encounter to get me on the straight path again. So all I ask of you, o respectable reader, is for your prayers. I need prayer to get back on track, no matter what it may cost of my flesh. I want God to help me overcome my darkness; this is just one of those things I can't do on my own.

God bless,
Steven