Day 101: Hosanna

God. The one true source of life. What could I possibly say about Him? When I think about it, there isn't much my heart can express, since He's far, FAR beyond our imagination. Today was a roller-coaster of a day; super big high, and a pretty big low. A lot has been on my mind lately, especially when thinking about what's next in life for me when this season comes to a close. I have a few solid ideas that I personally think could be God's will, but I won't know until He reveals it. Of course, while there are dreams and hopes of the future, there are also concerns that come with it. I've always been somewhat insecure of myself throughout my life, whether by being intimidated by someone else or just feeling like what I was doing just wasn't enough. I looked back to those 3 years of my life that were my absolute lowest; depression can be a real bummer when you can't see past the hard times. Then again, we're not supposed to be able to see what will happen next, since that's God's skill and not our own. I examine those years in my head and always wonder "What if I looked to God sooner?" Would my life be in better shape? Would I be just as content in the deepest recesses of my heart like I am in external, everyday things? Could I have been better prepared for the enemy's attacks against my life? Could there have been bigger opportunities in my midst if I had just obeyed Him all along? Most of the time when I ask these questions, I get a sense of guilt; I end up feeling horrible for almost completely throwing those years away, as well as my selfish, prideful attempts to find some form of happiness. It was tough; really tough. In the end, I am grateful that God continues to remain faithful to His word; He got me out of that mess, and even though that mess rises against me time and time again, I know that in Him I am capable of standing firm. God used the inspirational Robert Fergusson to speak into my life tonight, and I'm happy He did. I was feeling kind of down when reminiscing on what I would resort to back in the day, but God's words spoken through Hillsong's Aslan lifted me up at that critical time. I felt a burden on my shoulders roll off my back, and I felt a greater sense of joy that I've been earnestly seeking ever since I got here. Have you ever felt like there was something in the way between you and God? Like an obstacle of any form that was stopping you from completely surrendering to His plan and purpose? Well, let me tell you something: the great I Am is here. He is for you, He is beside you, and He loves you. It's through Him we live and breathe, it's through Him we have fellowship with our Creator, and it's through Him we are free from sin's grip. Don't let the things of this world put you down; you have a force on your side that is high and above anything this world can and does throw at you. Be strong, be courageous. Hosanna means "Lord, have mercy on us"; that was my prayer tonight. I needed mercy from God for all the slacking I've done over the years in terms of my relationship with Him. The good news is He gave it to me; it was always there, waiting for me to call on it. He is waiting for you to call on Him when you need support; don't leave Him hanging.

God bless,
Steven

P.S. I would have explained what happened today, but God is more than worthy of having a blog in honor of Him.