Made Whole

The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin. (Psalms 51:17 NCV)

I've had a difficult past couple months. There's been so many blessings and reasons to be grateful for what God's continuing to do in my life, but recently I've been in the midst of some serious trials. I almost went a half year without the sin that kept me tied down for 10 years, because of the pieces of my life that were more than enough to keep me going. But... I'm back at it; it's made a few knocks at my door, and I've let it in again. These moments leave me feeling awfully broken, like I'm in a constant cycle of falling into the same mistakes over and over. What keeps me together is His grace, love, and mercy. God hasn't given up on me, despite having every reason to. He's place very important, valuable people in and around my life to put a smile on my face and peace in my heart. I don't know what tomorrow's battle will look like, but knowing that I'm not alone, knowing that I have friends and family on my side praying for me, that's what gives me the upper hand should I choose to utilize it. I may be hurt, I may be bruised emotionally and spiritually broken, but He proves Himself faithful every second He allows me to live. Every breath is a gift of love, every heartbeat a validation of His promises and truths. If you're on the same boat, struggling with a burden on your back, it's okay. God just wants you, every bit of you. We can approach Him as we are, and He will accept us. I may be broken, but I am not destroyed beyond repair.

What I'm Up To

So here's the thing: I haven't been a very good social media friend. I tend to be the kind of person that focuses so much on what I'm doing in the here and now that I neglect to stay in touch with the multitude of friends and family I've gained over the years; there are a lot of you, I will say that, but I know I could be doing so much more to reach out to you guys and gals and hear about your adventures. I want to just take a moment and apologize if I've come off as that person you never hear from or haven't heard from in way too long; it sucks to think that I've lost touch with some pretty great people because of that. That being said, I would at least like to share what's been going on in my life, so I'll try and sum it up as best I can. - I've called Bay Hills Community Church my home for a year now. Coming home from my time in Australia was exciting because I learned from a pretty reliable source that "the best is yet to come". I made the choice to move back mainly for the sake of my family and being here for them, but over the course of a year my family has grown quite a bit. I've always considered church home, and the people I see there and serve with family; the real blessing is I've accumulated such an amazing family over the past 4 years, and it's been getting better and better. I genuinely love the people I get to do life with in this current season of mine, and for however long God sees fit for me to be here I will enjoy every moment of it. - One of those areas is Elevate youth; looking back at the journey of literally jumping into this youth group as the "keyboard guy" to now where I am helping lead worship every Wednesday night, it's been incredible to see how God's had all this set up from years past. I know he sent me halfway around the world for three years so that I could be here, strategically placed to pursue my calling and to play my part in making this youth group move forward. The most rewarding part is getting to be with these amazing students every week; it is legitimately the highlight of my week. Not to mention the band I serve with has become a true family; I'm blessed to be around such passionate people that look out for each other, and the relationships we've built are the kind I believe will last a lifetime. - Unemployed like a pro. Been looking for work almost a year now, but there hasn't been much progress; I know it'll happen on God's time, so despite the lack of success I keep my head high knowing it's on it's way. I recently joined a career services program, in the hopes that I can practically get on the right track. I have no idea what kind of job I want, but as long as I don't have to flip burgers at the local Macca's I will be grateful. - Some friends know about my graphic design ventures on Instagram; I started out doing it for fun, but now it's become like a legit thing I do. I've even got some work opportunities out of it! It's very much a hobby still, but who know maybe I could make it a sort of business one day? That sums up my life now, but I would love to hear what you're up to, so let's Facebook, Skype, email, whatever we can do to make this happen!

Joy in Life

It's been a while, blog. Too long. A lot's happened in the past several months; guess that's expected when you're adjusting to a new season. I'll tell you this though, in the words of Nacho Libre: my life is good. Really good. My life's been that way because my love for God's grown; He's done some awesome stuff lately. Since February, I've been part of the Elevate Youth ministry in Bay Hills Community Church, which has become home for me; church has always felt like home to me, and thanks to my time at Hillsong, that feeling's assured and embraced. These students are the reason I joined; hearing some of their stories and seeing their hunger for something greater in their lives gave me a burden for them, and since then I've been trying my best to be involved and to just be there for them. I want to be the kind of person I wish I had in church when I was in high school; I was fortunate enough to have a youth pastor at my school for a season (one of my heroes, pastor Shawn Allen), but in my home church, that form of leadership was missing. God's been showing me a lot through these youth I get to lead and serve; most importantly it's showed me how much strong leaders of faith are needed to keep this generation safe and secure given the current state of the world, culture/society, etc. Getting back into the worship side of things has been great too; I knew picking up the bass was a temporary venture, and I'm glad to be laying down chords and such on them black and white keys. I've been slowly getting the opportunity to share the heart and culture of worship that I gained through Hillsong's teaching and training; it's been amazing getting to see these youth I play alongside growing in their passion for worship. One thing that's been a bit rough was the whole university thing. Most of the people I've known growing up are aware of my passion for art. Most people I know now were aware of my intentions of going to the Academy of Art University in San Francisco to pursue this dream I've had as a kid for working at Pixar. I got into talks with the university in March, and by May I was enrolled for the summer; at the time, it seemed like God was giving me a chance to finally go for the dream. I kept asking him to open the doors he wanted open and close the doors he wanted closed; I figured if it was in his will for my life, it would work out. 2 weeks into my studies, I came to a hard realization: the passion I had for art wasn't what it used to be. The fact is I just grew out of it; sure I doodle here and there from time to time, but it wasn't driving my imagination like it did when I was a child, getting inspired by cartoons to just draw. My passions have changed since then; sure they are art-related, but it's shifted away from the satisfaction I would get from spending hours working on an art piece. What I thought would be an incredibly fun and exhilarating experience learning about growing in my skills as an artist became exhausting, overwhelming, and consuming of all my time and efforts I would normally use for my involvement in church. It became the one source of stress in my life, and it sucked. I couldn't go to leaders meetings or band practices/hangouts because I was too busy trying to get my assignments done, as if school became an obstacle instead of a doorway. The first week of July I committed to prayer and fasting, because I wanted God's guidance in deciding what to do. By the time the week was over, my decision was to put all study plans on hold so that I could be fully committed to ministry. Serving in the church is all I've ever known, it's the one thing I know I'm good at doing. It took getting into that environment for me to see that it wasn't the environment I wanted to be in (I wonder how many of my friends have experienced this). As that week of prayer and fasting went on, I felt like God was closing this door on me, but before he did, he wanted to show me that this wasn't going to satisfy like the other things in my life were. Some people would argue that my short-lived university experience was a waste of time, but I don't see it that way. It was a step forward, regardless of the outcome; it showed me that, true to his Word, God's plans are greater. I believe my current season requires all of my efforts to go towards the church and the youth. I'm okay with that. What you can do, as my friend, is pray for a few things (if you want to, of course): 1. Provision of a job - On a practical note, I live 30-40 minutes away from my church, and I go there frequently. There's also youth events and church related things that happen during the week that I participate in. That's a lot of driving. That's a lot of money used to fuel the car. There's also the fact that two weeks ago, I had to deal with a heavy loss: my computer, camera, and hard drive were stolen from my car during a meeting. That's a lot of expensive stuff I can't automatically replace. That's a lot of money I don't have. I've been looking for a job since early March, and so far it's been a test of patience. Keep me in prayer that I get a job, one that fits around my ministry schedule so I can stay committed to serving. It also wouldn't hurt to be able to take a trip to the Popeye's down the road and not feel like I'm about to be dirt poor over buying popcorn shrimp. 2. Elevate Youth - I can talk all I want about what I get to do as part of this youth ministry, but why I do it has nothing to do with me; it's all about these awesome guys and girls that are learning about living a life for God. Keep these students in prayer, that God would stir their hearts and give them a hunger for what only he can provide, and pray for the leaders, that we can be good examples and look after the youth of our church by being there for them when they need us. 3. Me in general - My life is good, but it isn't anywhere remotely close to perfect. Thanks be to God that I lack nothing, but I'm still practicing remaining humble in everything I do and remaining strong against sin that feels the need to get all up in my face. I desire to be a strong, consistent leader that lives for others and never loses sight of God and what He's gracing me to do; pray that I can press on towards this goal for my life. Sorry for the long read, but if you made it this far, first of all thanks and second of all thanks for participating in my efforts to be honest with myself and with others. I pray God gives you enough to be content with your life the way he's done for me. Until next time!

Valentine

Valentine's Day. Oh boy. You know, this particular time of the year hasn't really been a big deal for me, in like EVER. I can only think of two times I've actually done something to celebrate this day. First time was in 8th grade, where I came up with the idea of getting a little something for every person in my class, because they weren't just classmate but family. Since I was a nerd of a lower caliber back then,I kept it nice and simple: valentines fashioned after the Incredibles (still one of my favorite movies of all time); it was a big deal for me to do that, and I'm sure it was appreciated by my peers. The other time was some years ago when I was talking to a girl and things were going well; to be honest I'm not even sure what I did, but obviously it was a bigger deal the second time around. Other than that, this day's never carried any level of significance to me. The past three years of being in college, I got to be an eyewitness to the realization of the phrase "Love is in the air." I cannot tell you how many relationship notifications I've seen, let alone the ones that evolved into engagement notification, marriage notifications, and even offspring notifications! I lost count a few months ago, but let's face it: when you're in a healthy, positive, and God-filled environment like a Bible college, it's bound to happen to people every now and then (much more common now, apparently). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a day where two people that genuinely care for each other can go above the standard to express their love and appreciation for their significant other, but when you're in a position like mine where you just don't have a reason to celebrate it, the chances of you spending your Valentine's Day with a cheesecake in one hand and in the other a remote pointing to a screen playing your favorite romantic dramadies can get pretty up there (In case you wanted to know what's on my movie list it's Definitely, Maybe, Wall-E, Up, Just Friends, and The Avengers [Marvel Studio's way of saying they love me, don't hate] #themoreyouknow). The point I'm trying to make is that even though I don't necessarily have someone overly special to celebrate Valentine's Day with, I can show love and appreciation for the people that are in my life. My family's top of the list; I wouldn't be nearly this awesome if it wasn't for them. Friends I've made that have become family, because they have shown me the true value of friendship (they would be among my first picks if I ever needed to form a Fellowship of the Ring, a superhero all-star team, or a zombie apocalypse resistance group). And of course, the true All Father. I'm glad to have a heavenly dad looking out for me as I try to figure out this thing called life; I've managed to go this far without a particular companion, but I'm certainly not in a rush to find one. For this time, He is enough to give me what I need. So for all you people in my life that might not have a significant other to share in the joy of this extremely red and pink, heart-shaped holiday, don't worry because life is good regardless of our relationship statuses. And for those in my life who do have boyfriends/girlfriends, fiancees, husbands/wives: just keep pressing on. Enjoy what you've got, and trust in the love you have; it's powerful stuff.

P.S. Because I'm sure there's at least one person curious about it, I am actually interested in someone. That's all you get for now. ;)

The Spirit of Adventure

Watching Toy Story for the first time was one of the definitive moments of my life. It not only introduced me to the power of good storytelling, but it also introduced me to Pixar Animation Studios. What's significant about this is that Pixar has been one of my most crucial sources of inspiration/influence, because everything about them has captivated me and my creative self. Pixar's been the face of the ideal life I would love to have: a place that was all about creating, where I could give of my ideas and skills to make a final product that could be seen by thousands and impact thousands. I've always been a kid with loads of imagination, maybe too much if you ask me; I always found myself caught in daydreams of whatever my mind was thinking of at the time, and the ideas kept coming. Since drawing was my means of translating my imagination, it was my go to medium; I still have a collection of sketchbooks and notebooks from school that are filled with the vast majority of my childhood's visual development. In these books you'll find lots of concepts about space, whether it was planets and what they would look like, alien races and their way of living, all sorts of transport ships and the like, etc. In some others you'd find lots of concepts about superheroes (you could see Marvel's influence all over these), and in a few others more designs and concepts about secret agents, Ghostbuster knockoffs, and my take on the spiritual warfare between angels and demons. When I looks back at all this stuff, it's easy to see that I invested a lot of time into every new project; 99% of the content is designs of characters, environments, resources, tools, weapons, etc. All I ever did was try and make my own versions of things I saw and was inspired by; another in depth analysis shows me that despite all my work coming up with a diverse collection of people and places, I never could give them a story to call home, a setting for them to live in. My creativity could only go so far, and before I knew it, I'd close that project and start another until I ran out of ideas for that one. Things changed for me when I was introduced to the Academy of Art University; my dad heard about these small courses being offered to high school students, and he felt like it could be a great opportunity for me to take my creativity to the next level. So for 3 years, every spring I would take my Saturday mornings and afternoons and attend these courses, where I got to learn from people that lived what they taught; it was a fountain of knowledge, and I was taking in everything I could. Before I knew it I was one semester away from being in a position where scholarships were in my grasp; I was that much closer to realizing my dream of working for the most influential studio of my life. But that's when my Father stepped in and called me back into the mission field; so instead of taking that final class I went on a 2 month mission trip to the north island of New Zealand and Sydney, Australia. There He did His thing and not only showed me a taste of the glory, saw what it tastes like, but He also introduced me to something I had never seen before: Hillsong International Leadership College. It totally caught my attention, and upon my return I had a new option in my hands; it would be a life changing decision, regardless of what direction I chose. I felt called to go to the land down under, so I did (the couple hundred posts of this blog are just some of my experiences from that), and now I'm back home with another life changing decision on my hands: what to do next. The 3 years of ministry training I finished several weeks ago gave me the kind of skills, values, and wisdom that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, but what I didn't realize was that it also gave me the spiritual strength I would need to live in our world. God showed me that HILC was His way of preparing me so that I could handle the "real world", one that God isn't the center of; if I ended up going to this art university straight out of high school, I would have been wrecked. I love how sometimes He likes to show off that His plans are higher than my own. So where does that leave me now? Well, the time has come for me to revisit the original dream. The plan is simple: to make 2013 a year of preparation so that 2014 would mark the beginning of my new chapter of studying. My dream is the same, but thanks to my years at Hillsong, the packaging of this dream looks different. I want to study the art of creating, the ability to take an idea or concept and building a story. I believe that the world of Christian media needs to get past the stereotype, overly cheesy way of bringing a message and start making stories and movies that will reach out to the rest of the world. I want to be part of projects that share the heart of Christ, but are presented in a way that everyone can enjoy, instead of being exclusive to the church. I know that it'll be a long journey, but it will be worth it. Charles Muntz said it pretty well:

"Adventure is out there!"

And I'm pretty keen on going on a little adventure.

Sword Vs. Lightsaber

My Christmas present of 2012 came in the form of my first smartphone in over 5 years, specifically an iPhone. Since this is a whole new experience for me, I've been taking some time to get used to all the features this phone comes with; I had an iPod Touch until 2010, so I'm not foreign to Apple products (but this is way more advanced than what I'm used to). A standard with the 21st century Christian is the Bible app, which I'm sure many a fellow believer is grateful for; the idea of having easy access to the Word with a couple taps of the touch screen is a win across the board. At the start of the year, I took avantage of the many Bible reading plans available to me, deciding on the basic Bible in one year plan; so far, it's been awesome having a form of motivation to read every day. I haven't read this frequently in a long time to be honest, and every time I'm done with a chapter or portion of scripture, it leaves me wanting to read the next part! About 3 days into the reading plan, a thought popped into my head, which happens to be the point of this entry: the difference between reading the technological Bible and the classic book format. We live in a day and age where convenience is everything; the smaller and more compact, the better it seems to be. Even though phones are kinda growing in size lately, they still manage to be tiny compared to a several hundred page Bible with concordances, index summaries, and maps of ancient Israel featuring the layout of Paul's journeys. Naturally, we would feel more inclined to take the phone to work, school, and even church; so many people nowadays use their phone to follow along sermons, and preachers are even using Bible apps to bring an interactive experience with their congregation using their notes. This was culture shock to me, because ever since my kindergarten days a hardcover Bible's been my go to choice. Then I got to thinking about how this phone would change the way I read; would this be the end of the hard copy era? Would this new Bible format become my new best friend? Would I start reading from the Message translation?? [Hillsong college students would understand that last one as a joke] The field test came this past Sunday, when I visited the church my family's been going to since I was in college in Sydney. I got there early with my sister because she was part of the P&W team for the morning and she needed a co-pilot for the trip there. While the rehearsals were happening, I took out my phone and started reading through the sections for the Bible plan; simple and effective use of my time #winning. The real test came during the preaching of the Word; by this point I had my phone out ready to jump right in. But then I started to think on what would help me be 100% focused to get everything out of this message; those that know me are aware of my impressively short attention span. I'm heaps prone to getting distracted and off track, and considering I had several means of distraction a few clicks away, I had to decide what to do in order to prevent that from happening. So I ended up picking up a Bible and used my phone to take notes; best decision I could have made. I walked out of that church with some of the best notes I've taken in a while; felt pretty good about myself then. So what am I trying to say with all this? Obviously, there's pros and cons with how you read the Word. The technological Bible has the advantage of being easily accessible, lightweight, and has different features like reading plans and outside connectivity. The potential danger is getting lost in the rest of your tech that you could forget it's even there to begin with, as well as getting easily distracted when you are using it. What's always been special about the book to me is that every time I hold one in my hands, it just feels right; holding a "real" Bible carries a certain level of significance. I've left so many Bibles to gather dust in my lifetime, but now that I'm entering a season that will require me to be stronger and closer to God than ever before, I know that I need to be well equipped. For me, both tools are awesome and powerful, but I can't forsake one for the other. Ephesians 6 calls the word a sword of the spirit. Hebrews 4 says the word is sharper than any two-edged sword. We know this thing's not just a random book; it has the power to impact lives and feed our spirits with hope and a genuine sense of peace. Nowadays we carry around lightsabers; nothing wrong with that (they are pretty awesome, after all), but we should ought to have a sword handy instead of automatically ruling it out. God's word is God's word; it's great regardless of how you carry it. My encouragement is that we keep in mind the significance of carrying it, in our hearts as well as in our hands/portable electronic devices.

Now What?

It's been just over 24 hours since I've returned to the Golden State; 3 years on the other side of the world certainly has done me good, but home is home and I can honestly say it's been a blast. I've spent most of the past 48 hours looking back and reminiscing at everything that was; it was a lot to go through, but everything was worth going through. The plane ride was where I really got the sense of what was happening; the last few weeks leading up to my departure from Sydney I didn't have a particular emotional reaction to the fact that this season was over and that I was going home in a matter of days. I remained pretty relaxed about it the whole time, and it wasn't until I was on a plane over the Pacific that I figured out why I was so relaxed. Most people would think that going into the next season of your life would have lots of varied emotions and thoughts attached to it all, but I found myself in a position where there actually was no fear or doubt (I believe Australian culture would describe it as "no worries"). Over time I developed a sense of confidence in the decision I made, and despite all my incredible friends joking around about me staying or straight up telling me not to leave, I remained in my confidence. It had nothing to do with them, but it was more internal for me because I just felt it in my heart that I made the right decision. I didn't know exactly what would happen or what I would do, but I knew that God was in control, and that worry had no place in my life at this point. Before I knew it, I could see the city lights of Oakland, California while the plane was making it's descent; I took this time to just thank Him for everything in my journey, and I prayed for my next season. If there is one thing I'm aware of, it's that God will be the constant, consistent One in my life; doesn't matter if I'm in Sydney, San Francisco, Toronto, Oslo, or Durban because my God is right there with me, slowly unveiling the plan for my life. Then we get to the moment I saw my parents from a distance, watching the gate to see their son walking in their direction; sharing that classic parent-child embrace made the 20 hour trip worth it. These two believed in me, supported me regardless of how good or bad the situation over here was; the joy in their faces made me get emotional for the first time since I left Sydney. The car ride back consisted of me sharing how I felt being back and my parents sharing how things are here; I was just glad to be with them again. Today it was all about family; I feel like this will end up being what my week looks like, and I'm more than fine with that. There's a genuine peace in this house, the Psalm 65:11 House (I'll probably make a whole post about it). All this to say, I'm not worried for this next season. At all. There's lots to discover and explore, and I just want to jump right in and get amongst it. As JT Daly sings, "a better life is waiting." As Brian Houston says, "the best is yet to come." As the Word says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I can live on that.

Fare Thee Well

Fact: saying goodbye to good friends is hard. Whether we like it or not, there comes a time where God summons us to the next season of our lives, and in most cases (if not all) you have to leave people you've come to know and love. Every six months, I find myself in this position, but on the side of the person watching friends move on to greater things yet to come; almost every time, I;m inspired by seeing them go, knowing well what they will be doing to advance the Kingdom, but at the same time it's just a rough patch to get through. Half the time, it's an emotional bummer, but the other half is excitement for them; being in the middle I feel is hardest. I've been here two and a half years, and every end of the semester I see incredible, inspiring people either go home or somewhere different while new incredible, inspiring people arrive unaware that's what they'll end up being. I've put a lot of thought into what the next season looks like. The answer or conclusion still has yet to reveal itself. At least I have the reassurance of knowing that whatever it looks like, wherever it takes place and for however long, God's got a plan. That's really what's gotten me through the majority of my college experience. I've got six months left (as far as I know), and I want to make the best of it.

Packing Season

So I've got a couple days before I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again (always wanted to use that somewhere), and packing is the last thing on my mind. I'm in a position where I'm going to need to filter through my stuff, getting rid of the things I don't need and placing new stuff in; I did a little filtering before I came back to the States, but that was mostly paperwork and random bits and pieces. In terms of clothes, I tend to get stuff to last for a year; that's the way it's been every year I've been away in Australia; there hasn't been a need to buy clothes in Sydney, and considering clothes are pricey out there, I'm grateful for that (you have no idea how grateful I am for Old Navy and their $20 jeans I've been living off of for the past several years). Now that I think about it, that's been a small but consistent testimony of God's provision throughout my life; today, I don't have Old Navy jeans, and that's because of God's providing for my family so that we can be blessed a little more than we've been. My dad's told me stories of how back in Nicaragua having Levi's meant you were super awesome and rich or something like that, and how he always wanted to have them. While I've been home, I've acquired like 5 pairs of Levi's (most of them on sale too #balleronabudget), and... a few of them are slim fit. Now I want to express why this is a big deal for me; you might find this funny and little weird, but trust me, it's a progressive life thing. My entire life my mom has had a tendency to get me clothes that are a bit bigger than I would normally be comfortable in, because she figured I would "grow into them". Thing is, I've only ever had baggy jeans that I never fit into, and it wasn't until Australia that I realized this; after all, it is Sydney's fault that I heard of the concept of skinny jeans to begin with. Now, before you think, "Oh man, Steven's conforming to the ways of society!", I want to stress that these are SLIM fit, which means they're the middle ground between straight leg and skinny; it's very snug, but not to the point where it could potentially cut off circulation to my legs. Just writing this is making me laugh a little; all I know is I'll probably get some witty banter from my college friends when I wear them in public. Anyways, back to packing. Basically all I'm taking is my 2012 clothes and a couple other things, including my PS3. I'm excited for this year, I really am; I'm just not looking forward to SFO's security...

2012: An Empty Canvas

Art's always been a big part of my life. No question about that. For as long as I can remember I found such happiness in putting a pencil to paper and seeing what my imagination would come up with. I don't consider myself a "good" artist, but I consider myself a passionate one. There's just a peace of mine that overtakes me when I draw; well, more like when I drew. To be honest, I don't do much of that anymore. Mainly because of the fact that the convenient resource of papers and pencils/pens aren't around and at my disposal as much as they once were, but also because the drive of my imagination has transformed over the years. Growing up, drawing was really my only way of expressing and exercising my imagination and creativity, but nowadays I do other things. Even the word "artist" has transformed in my world; I don't just see pencil and paper, but now I see pictures, cameras, instruments, CDs, lights, etc. I once considered myself an artist. I once considered myself a musician. Those things are present in my life still, but in a less prominent way. The whole being versatile thing has been the course of my life; it's also turned out to be one of my greatest weaknesses. Sure, I can draw, sing, act, play piano/bass/xylophone/triangle/guitar, film, direct, and whatever else I do, but I can't say I'm completely all about one specific thing. That's what's lead me to this very moment. I was supposed to do two years of study at the Hillsong International Leadership College; I've done exactly that, but now I'm returning for another year. Guess two years wasn't enough for me to get the big picture. But... this could very well be the year. That's why I'm looking at this year as an empty canvas. I am looking at this canvas through the eyes of my inner child, a simple artist. I might not have a lot of expertise and skill with a pencil or brush, but I know someone who was skilled enough to paint the stars, draw out oceans, brush in mountains, and throw in over 7 billion people into this masterpiece called our universe (and sure, maybe there is a galaxy far, far away with more lifeforms celebrating the demise of the Dark Side, but who really knows. Maybe Lucas was on to something...) I am confident in the fact that when I'm unsure of touching my pencil to the canvas, I have the one true artist to guide my hand and help me create something beautiful, something to remember. Something worth living for. There's been a lot of challenges in my journey as a college student, and a couple are still a challenge even as I type. Through it all, it's been one thing that's kept me going: the one true artist. Without Him, I would have been lost a long time ago. So this year, I'm living on purpose. This year, I'm not holding back because of insecurities or past failures. This year, I will realize my full potential, and in His name I will go where He sends me.

To be honest, it feels good to be on this blog of mine again; it's been too long. Here's to hopefully making this a part of my life too (just not every day, because that was borderline stressful on me. I'm very big on continuity.)

- Steven (Psalm 37:4)

Day 451: Hiatus

So this morning I woke up to a harsh reality. All this involvement with the college hasn't come without sacrifice. Sure, I'm being part of some amazing things here at college with the creative team and I'm studying and learning so much, but being present with what's happening here has left me slowly losing grasp of the world I left to be here. I'm not proud to confess this, but it's the truth and I don't want to avoid the truth. So this is what I'm going to do: as an executive order as to preserve communication between two worlds, I will be temporarily retiring this blog (maybe permanently, pending on conditions) to focus communication to the people that matter most to me. If this isn't farewell, then I'll see you when I see you. If this is, then I want to extend a big thank you for taking time of your days to read on my adventures in Australia. This blog's ultimate purpose was to look back at how much I've grown in two year through the Hillsong International Leadership College; it's been a long way, but I've had the support of many great family and friends. So again, thank you; I said it every time, and I'll say it again:



God bless

Steven

Day 450: The Final Stretch (Colour)

The way the church sees it is that even though the conferences are over, they consider the Sunday services right after to be directly affiliated with Colour. This is mainly because of the women that come for the conference but visit on Sunday as well; the church wants them to have as good of an experience in the church as they would at the conference. It's a great concept, really; it's what connects the church to everything else they do. Hillsong aims to involve God in literally everything they do, and it definitely inspires people. This morning, I got to direct for the 8 a.m. service once again; now I'm starting to get the hang of this. I'm rostered to direct again next Sunday, so I want to be ready for it. The rest of the day was solely dedicated to getting some rest, because even on these next two days off I'll still be doing some work then. The evening was amazing; Christine Caine, a Hillsong veteran and current leader of the A21 campaign to battle human trafficking across the world, gave an incredible message on God being within the impossible. My dad would always tell me that with God, nothing was impossible; this message brought me back to those times growing up when I felt that it would be impossible for me to accomplish certain things. Even being in this country, studying at this college would have seemed impossible to me a few years ago; but here I am, standing on God's faithfulness and grace. Colour 2011 is officially over; I need to hang out with guys this whole week or I'm going to lose my mind talking to girls anymore.

God bless,
Steven

Day 449: The Lighter Sides of Colour

Last week on the last day, the city campus had the majority of the work to do, especially with the pack down of the place when it was all over. The hills students helped out until a certain time, and then they would head out to their homes early. This time around, we got the easy side of it. Today was very similar to yesterday, with some slight changes to what I did. In the afternoon, I helped Laz with his camera; the guy never really got a break, so I gave him one and worked his camera in the meantime. It was a lot of fun, and I'm happy I got to make a larger contribution to the conference. When Revelation was over and I was released until pack down, I just reflected on what was accomplished the past two weeks. I've been surrounded by well over 15,000 women in total, serving them and helping to give them the best conference they have ever experienced. I've had the privilege of seeing just a glimpse of what the creative departments of the church do for events like this, and actually being part of it myself was the highest honor. On a plus side, I never had to spend a dollar, because of the addition of lunch vouchers as opposed to last year only having dinner vouchers (that's my God continually providing for me, awesome). This conference really was something to remember; I enjoyed every part of it, and I hope that from here I can take what I've learned and seen and make this semester even greater.

God bless,
Steven

Day 448: Small Contributions, Okay

This was my schedule for today:
1. Wake up around 6 to get ready
2. Get to the church before 7, since that's when the buses were leaving
3. Arrive at the Hills campus around 7:40-8
4. Immediately mark down that I'm there and head to camera 6 where I would be assisting
5. After rehearsals, head back to the control room for a quick meeting
6. Small break before the waves of women entered the main auditorium
7. First session; did my duty, had fun doing it! Got to work with Adam, who was the camera operator I assisted at Colour 1
8. After the session, it was lunch time; from here I was basically free until 4:45
9. Go out and about, filming things for college creative
10. Return to the control room to help with Revelation, which was the pre-show the church puts on before the evening session
11. After Revelation, I'm free to film again
12. Evening session's over, and it's time to go
13. Make sure I get on the bus to head back to the city
14. Get to the Meritons, and sleep.

This conference day wasn't as hectic as the first, which was really a relief. Sure, I'm still doing all kinds of stuff all day, but I wasn't as tired by the end of the day. Pretty good, pretty good.

God bless,
Steven

Day 447: Colour, 2.0 and Condensed

Upon arrival at the Hills campus, I felt prepared to take on whatever I needed to do. I was confident, I was well rested, and I was hungry for action. Ever get those days when you come in to your work place and you end up having nothing to do because it's all taken care of? That was today for me. I found out that I'm only rostered for the morning sessions and a small intermission before the evening sessions; other than that, I'm a free man. I pretty much spent the day filming stuff and trying to find something productive to do; I even joined two completely different teams just because. I will say though, that despite not having done any work with TV, I still consider this a good day; it's only going to get better from here.

God bless,
Steven

Day 446: Oh, No Bump In?

Normally with conference work, the day before the conference begins the college bumps in all the materials we'll be needing for the next few days. This time, however, it was given to the Hills campus to do the bump in, so us city folk didn't have to go. Sweet relief. I just spent the day resting, because I knew it's going to be a tough one. Yup, that's pretty much my day.

God bless,
Steven

Day 445: Celebrating the City's Colours

So today was a win for me. Chapel overall was awesome; I got to help present a video I put together for Colour, and so far everyone that's come up to me about it has told me all positive things. I was talking about the way I make videos with a friend, and as I was explaining it, it dawned on me how genuine it is. As you would notice most of the time, whenever I make retrospective videos, I never put myself in them. The reason I do this is to represent the fact that it's not about me; it never has been about me, so why start now you know? I've always desired to serve for God's calling/purpose; my mom pulled a 1 samuel 1-2 when I was young and dedicated me to the good Lord's service, so from there on it just stuck to me. I love serving, no matter what size the job, importance, or credit; as long as the heart behind the service is good, I don't mind doing it. I wanted this video to represent how important this college family is; I wanted to capture the heart of our friends as they were serving in their respective areas. I consider it a mission accomplished =)

God bless,
Steven

Day 444: The Hero's Holding Out

I totally pulled off a record sleep in this morning. Thanks to my many years at SFC, my internal clock would naturally wake me up around 6 or 7; that was just completely normal for me. So for me to wake up at 11:20 a.m. was a shock and awe moment. I've never woken up that late, so I'm still a bit in disbelief that I allowed myself to do that. Anyways, after a bowl of cereal I finished editing a video for the Colour conference; I want to point out that this specific video was being made for the students, as in there wasn't any particular project attached to it. I simply wanted to make a video that honored the hard work that we did to help pull off this amazing conference. It just so happened that around 10 minutes after I finished the editing that I get a message from two of my oversights with a message from Mary, our creative director. She was wondering if there was any possibility for us to have a presentation for celebrating Colour; if that's not God timing, I don't know what is. So I told her that I had a video made, and after a couple requests here and there, I made two versions: my original, epic video and it's shorter, more time convenient counterpart. For chapel, a 2 minute difference between these versions makes all the difference; I just wish we could use the full one, because it really captures the fullness of how great the team was while the other one gives only a piece of it. Either way, after it's played in college, I will share it with everyone else on Facebook so if anyone missed it they can still see it. We had a family dinner with the chapel core team this evening, and it was great; our fearless leader, Toast, made curry for us, and it was the bomb.com. We talked over this coming weekend, since the first year students were going to be heading their own chapel for the first time; there's lots of preparation needed for this, so we need to have it figured out before then. My day finished by being introduced for the first time to a little show called Heroes; I've always wanted to see this show, but because of my busy church life back in the day, I never could. This show, in summary, is awesome. I can't wait to see the rest of it.

God bless,
Steven

Day 443: Next Level Directing/Gaming

So here's the thing: life is going pretty well for me right about now. I've been putting in more effort into getting solid devotional times, and the fruit of that choice has never been sweeter. This is why I chose to call this blog a journey, because I knew that even at the very end of it I was still going to be learning and experiencing new things. Well technically I'll be learning new stuff for the rest of my life. I usually have a 6:30 call time, but I ended up sleeping past my alarm and getting there around 6:50; I had to also to run against the rain, but looking back at it, that was fun! I was given the opportunity to direct for the first time in church (my legacy continues...). I won't lie, I was pretty nervous about it, but thanks to my amazing leaders helping me, I managed to get through it. After the service, I finished an assessment, started video editing for the footage I got from the Colour conference, and just rested; I needed this, and right now I feel great. In the evening, I got to hang out with my flatmates and some other great friends over a few games on the Nintendo Wii; my forearms are still feeling the aftermath of the games. Great day, great God; you know how it goes.

God bless,
Steven

Day 442: Massage Voucher, Anyone?

So just like that, Colour conference 1 is over. It's been a long, rough three days, but our team did such an awesome job at making conference an experience to remember. Today I really got to see the potential of a gathering of a people that are passionate about seeing the world change; it's like nothing you've ever seen. There's so much energy, and there's so much presence of the Holy Spirit; it was great to hear from Craig Groeschel, Jeanne Mayo, and Lisa Bevere, as well as Christine Caine and of course Bobbie Houston. This church is seriously one of the most influential churches in the world, and these kind of events make that more than clear. It was such an honor to be part of this, and to think we're only halfway there! With a whole other conference coming up this week, it's going to take a lot of rest. Starting now.

God bless,
Steven