Made Whole

The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin. (Psalms 51:17 NCV)

I've had a difficult past couple months. There's been so many blessings and reasons to be grateful for what God's continuing to do in my life, but recently I've been in the midst of some serious trials. I almost went a half year without the sin that kept me tied down for 10 years, because of the pieces of my life that were more than enough to keep me going. But... I'm back at it; it's made a few knocks at my door, and I've let it in again. These moments leave me feeling awfully broken, like I'm in a constant cycle of falling into the same mistakes over and over. What keeps me together is His grace, love, and mercy. God hasn't given up on me, despite having every reason to. He's place very important, valuable people in and around my life to put a smile on my face and peace in my heart. I don't know what tomorrow's battle will look like, but knowing that I'm not alone, knowing that I have friends and family on my side praying for me, that's what gives me the upper hand should I choose to utilize it. I may be hurt, I may be bruised emotionally and spiritually broken, but He proves Himself faithful every second He allows me to live. Every breath is a gift of love, every heartbeat a validation of His promises and truths. If you're on the same boat, struggling with a burden on your back, it's okay. God just wants you, every bit of you. We can approach Him as we are, and He will accept us. I may be broken, but I am not destroyed beyond repair.

What I'm Up To

So here's the thing: I haven't been a very good social media friend. I tend to be the kind of person that focuses so much on what I'm doing in the here and now that I neglect to stay in touch with the multitude of friends and family I've gained over the years; there are a lot of you, I will say that, but I know I could be doing so much more to reach out to you guys and gals and hear about your adventures. I want to just take a moment and apologize if I've come off as that person you never hear from or haven't heard from in way too long; it sucks to think that I've lost touch with some pretty great people because of that. That being said, I would at least like to share what's been going on in my life, so I'll try and sum it up as best I can. - I've called Bay Hills Community Church my home for a year now. Coming home from my time in Australia was exciting because I learned from a pretty reliable source that "the best is yet to come". I made the choice to move back mainly for the sake of my family and being here for them, but over the course of a year my family has grown quite a bit. I've always considered church home, and the people I see there and serve with family; the real blessing is I've accumulated such an amazing family over the past 4 years, and it's been getting better and better. I genuinely love the people I get to do life with in this current season of mine, and for however long God sees fit for me to be here I will enjoy every moment of it. - One of those areas is Elevate youth; looking back at the journey of literally jumping into this youth group as the "keyboard guy" to now where I am helping lead worship every Wednesday night, it's been incredible to see how God's had all this set up from years past. I know he sent me halfway around the world for three years so that I could be here, strategically placed to pursue my calling and to play my part in making this youth group move forward. The most rewarding part is getting to be with these amazing students every week; it is legitimately the highlight of my week. Not to mention the band I serve with has become a true family; I'm blessed to be around such passionate people that look out for each other, and the relationships we've built are the kind I believe will last a lifetime. - Unemployed like a pro. Been looking for work almost a year now, but there hasn't been much progress; I know it'll happen on God's time, so despite the lack of success I keep my head high knowing it's on it's way. I recently joined a career services program, in the hopes that I can practically get on the right track. I have no idea what kind of job I want, but as long as I don't have to flip burgers at the local Macca's I will be grateful. - Some friends know about my graphic design ventures on Instagram; I started out doing it for fun, but now it's become like a legit thing I do. I've even got some work opportunities out of it! It's very much a hobby still, but who know maybe I could make it a sort of business one day? That sums up my life now, but I would love to hear what you're up to, so let's Facebook, Skype, email, whatever we can do to make this happen!

Joy in Life

It's been a while, blog. Too long. A lot's happened in the past several months; guess that's expected when you're adjusting to a new season. I'll tell you this though, in the words of Nacho Libre: my life is good. Really good. My life's been that way because my love for God's grown; He's done some awesome stuff lately. Since February, I've been part of the Elevate Youth ministry in Bay Hills Community Church, which has become home for me; church has always felt like home to me, and thanks to my time at Hillsong, that feeling's assured and embraced. These students are the reason I joined; hearing some of their stories and seeing their hunger for something greater in their lives gave me a burden for them, and since then I've been trying my best to be involved and to just be there for them. I want to be the kind of person I wish I had in church when I was in high school; I was fortunate enough to have a youth pastor at my school for a season (one of my heroes, pastor Shawn Allen), but in my home church, that form of leadership was missing. God's been showing me a lot through these youth I get to lead and serve; most importantly it's showed me how much strong leaders of faith are needed to keep this generation safe and secure given the current state of the world, culture/society, etc. Getting back into the worship side of things has been great too; I knew picking up the bass was a temporary venture, and I'm glad to be laying down chords and such on them black and white keys. I've been slowly getting the opportunity to share the heart and culture of worship that I gained through Hillsong's teaching and training; it's been amazing getting to see these youth I play alongside growing in their passion for worship. One thing that's been a bit rough was the whole university thing. Most of the people I've known growing up are aware of my passion for art. Most people I know now were aware of my intentions of going to the Academy of Art University in San Francisco to pursue this dream I've had as a kid for working at Pixar. I got into talks with the university in March, and by May I was enrolled for the summer; at the time, it seemed like God was giving me a chance to finally go for the dream. I kept asking him to open the doors he wanted open and close the doors he wanted closed; I figured if it was in his will for my life, it would work out. 2 weeks into my studies, I came to a hard realization: the passion I had for art wasn't what it used to be. The fact is I just grew out of it; sure I doodle here and there from time to time, but it wasn't driving my imagination like it did when I was a child, getting inspired by cartoons to just draw. My passions have changed since then; sure they are art-related, but it's shifted away from the satisfaction I would get from spending hours working on an art piece. What I thought would be an incredibly fun and exhilarating experience learning about growing in my skills as an artist became exhausting, overwhelming, and consuming of all my time and efforts I would normally use for my involvement in church. It became the one source of stress in my life, and it sucked. I couldn't go to leaders meetings or band practices/hangouts because I was too busy trying to get my assignments done, as if school became an obstacle instead of a doorway. The first week of July I committed to prayer and fasting, because I wanted God's guidance in deciding what to do. By the time the week was over, my decision was to put all study plans on hold so that I could be fully committed to ministry. Serving in the church is all I've ever known, it's the one thing I know I'm good at doing. It took getting into that environment for me to see that it wasn't the environment I wanted to be in (I wonder how many of my friends have experienced this). As that week of prayer and fasting went on, I felt like God was closing this door on me, but before he did, he wanted to show me that this wasn't going to satisfy like the other things in my life were. Some people would argue that my short-lived university experience was a waste of time, but I don't see it that way. It was a step forward, regardless of the outcome; it showed me that, true to his Word, God's plans are greater. I believe my current season requires all of my efforts to go towards the church and the youth. I'm okay with that. What you can do, as my friend, is pray for a few things (if you want to, of course): 1. Provision of a job - On a practical note, I live 30-40 minutes away from my church, and I go there frequently. There's also youth events and church related things that happen during the week that I participate in. That's a lot of driving. That's a lot of money used to fuel the car. There's also the fact that two weeks ago, I had to deal with a heavy loss: my computer, camera, and hard drive were stolen from my car during a meeting. That's a lot of expensive stuff I can't automatically replace. That's a lot of money I don't have. I've been looking for a job since early March, and so far it's been a test of patience. Keep me in prayer that I get a job, one that fits around my ministry schedule so I can stay committed to serving. It also wouldn't hurt to be able to take a trip to the Popeye's down the road and not feel like I'm about to be dirt poor over buying popcorn shrimp. 2. Elevate Youth - I can talk all I want about what I get to do as part of this youth ministry, but why I do it has nothing to do with me; it's all about these awesome guys and girls that are learning about living a life for God. Keep these students in prayer, that God would stir their hearts and give them a hunger for what only he can provide, and pray for the leaders, that we can be good examples and look after the youth of our church by being there for them when they need us. 3. Me in general - My life is good, but it isn't anywhere remotely close to perfect. Thanks be to God that I lack nothing, but I'm still practicing remaining humble in everything I do and remaining strong against sin that feels the need to get all up in my face. I desire to be a strong, consistent leader that lives for others and never loses sight of God and what He's gracing me to do; pray that I can press on towards this goal for my life. Sorry for the long read, but if you made it this far, first of all thanks and second of all thanks for participating in my efforts to be honest with myself and with others. I pray God gives you enough to be content with your life the way he's done for me. Until next time!

Valentine

Valentine's Day. Oh boy. You know, this particular time of the year hasn't really been a big deal for me, in like EVER. I can only think of two times I've actually done something to celebrate this day. First time was in 8th grade, where I came up with the idea of getting a little something for every person in my class, because they weren't just classmate but family. Since I was a nerd of a lower caliber back then,I kept it nice and simple: valentines fashioned after the Incredibles (still one of my favorite movies of all time); it was a big deal for me to do that, and I'm sure it was appreciated by my peers. The other time was some years ago when I was talking to a girl and things were going well; to be honest I'm not even sure what I did, but obviously it was a bigger deal the second time around. Other than that, this day's never carried any level of significance to me. The past three years of being in college, I got to be an eyewitness to the realization of the phrase "Love is in the air." I cannot tell you how many relationship notifications I've seen, let alone the ones that evolved into engagement notification, marriage notifications, and even offspring notifications! I lost count a few months ago, but let's face it: when you're in a healthy, positive, and God-filled environment like a Bible college, it's bound to happen to people every now and then (much more common now, apparently). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a day where two people that genuinely care for each other can go above the standard to express their love and appreciation for their significant other, but when you're in a position like mine where you just don't have a reason to celebrate it, the chances of you spending your Valentine's Day with a cheesecake in one hand and in the other a remote pointing to a screen playing your favorite romantic dramadies can get pretty up there (In case you wanted to know what's on my movie list it's Definitely, Maybe, Wall-E, Up, Just Friends, and The Avengers [Marvel Studio's way of saying they love me, don't hate] #themoreyouknow). The point I'm trying to make is that even though I don't necessarily have someone overly special to celebrate Valentine's Day with, I can show love and appreciation for the people that are in my life. My family's top of the list; I wouldn't be nearly this awesome if it wasn't for them. Friends I've made that have become family, because they have shown me the true value of friendship (they would be among my first picks if I ever needed to form a Fellowship of the Ring, a superhero all-star team, or a zombie apocalypse resistance group). And of course, the true All Father. I'm glad to have a heavenly dad looking out for me as I try to figure out this thing called life; I've managed to go this far without a particular companion, but I'm certainly not in a rush to find one. For this time, He is enough to give me what I need. So for all you people in my life that might not have a significant other to share in the joy of this extremely red and pink, heart-shaped holiday, don't worry because life is good regardless of our relationship statuses. And for those in my life who do have boyfriends/girlfriends, fiancees, husbands/wives: just keep pressing on. Enjoy what you've got, and trust in the love you have; it's powerful stuff.

P.S. Because I'm sure there's at least one person curious about it, I am actually interested in someone. That's all you get for now. ;)

The Spirit of Adventure

Watching Toy Story for the first time was one of the definitive moments of my life. It not only introduced me to the power of good storytelling, but it also introduced me to Pixar Animation Studios. What's significant about this is that Pixar has been one of my most crucial sources of inspiration/influence, because everything about them has captivated me and my creative self. Pixar's been the face of the ideal life I would love to have: a place that was all about creating, where I could give of my ideas and skills to make a final product that could be seen by thousands and impact thousands. I've always been a kid with loads of imagination, maybe too much if you ask me; I always found myself caught in daydreams of whatever my mind was thinking of at the time, and the ideas kept coming. Since drawing was my means of translating my imagination, it was my go to medium; I still have a collection of sketchbooks and notebooks from school that are filled with the vast majority of my childhood's visual development. In these books you'll find lots of concepts about space, whether it was planets and what they would look like, alien races and their way of living, all sorts of transport ships and the like, etc. In some others you'd find lots of concepts about superheroes (you could see Marvel's influence all over these), and in a few others more designs and concepts about secret agents, Ghostbuster knockoffs, and my take on the spiritual warfare between angels and demons. When I looks back at all this stuff, it's easy to see that I invested a lot of time into every new project; 99% of the content is designs of characters, environments, resources, tools, weapons, etc. All I ever did was try and make my own versions of things I saw and was inspired by; another in depth analysis shows me that despite all my work coming up with a diverse collection of people and places, I never could give them a story to call home, a setting for them to live in. My creativity could only go so far, and before I knew it, I'd close that project and start another until I ran out of ideas for that one. Things changed for me when I was introduced to the Academy of Art University; my dad heard about these small courses being offered to high school students, and he felt like it could be a great opportunity for me to take my creativity to the next level. So for 3 years, every spring I would take my Saturday mornings and afternoons and attend these courses, where I got to learn from people that lived what they taught; it was a fountain of knowledge, and I was taking in everything I could. Before I knew it I was one semester away from being in a position where scholarships were in my grasp; I was that much closer to realizing my dream of working for the most influential studio of my life. But that's when my Father stepped in and called me back into the mission field; so instead of taking that final class I went on a 2 month mission trip to the north island of New Zealand and Sydney, Australia. There He did His thing and not only showed me a taste of the glory, saw what it tastes like, but He also introduced me to something I had never seen before: Hillsong International Leadership College. It totally caught my attention, and upon my return I had a new option in my hands; it would be a life changing decision, regardless of what direction I chose. I felt called to go to the land down under, so I did (the couple hundred posts of this blog are just some of my experiences from that), and now I'm back home with another life changing decision on my hands: what to do next. The 3 years of ministry training I finished several weeks ago gave me the kind of skills, values, and wisdom that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, but what I didn't realize was that it also gave me the spiritual strength I would need to live in our world. God showed me that HILC was His way of preparing me so that I could handle the "real world", one that God isn't the center of; if I ended up going to this art university straight out of high school, I would have been wrecked. I love how sometimes He likes to show off that His plans are higher than my own. So where does that leave me now? Well, the time has come for me to revisit the original dream. The plan is simple: to make 2013 a year of preparation so that 2014 would mark the beginning of my new chapter of studying. My dream is the same, but thanks to my years at Hillsong, the packaging of this dream looks different. I want to study the art of creating, the ability to take an idea or concept and building a story. I believe that the world of Christian media needs to get past the stereotype, overly cheesy way of bringing a message and start making stories and movies that will reach out to the rest of the world. I want to be part of projects that share the heart of Christ, but are presented in a way that everyone can enjoy, instead of being exclusive to the church. I know that it'll be a long journey, but it will be worth it. Charles Muntz said it pretty well:

"Adventure is out there!"

And I'm pretty keen on going on a little adventure.

Sword Vs. Lightsaber

My Christmas present of 2012 came in the form of my first smartphone in over 5 years, specifically an iPhone. Since this is a whole new experience for me, I've been taking some time to get used to all the features this phone comes with; I had an iPod Touch until 2010, so I'm not foreign to Apple products (but this is way more advanced than what I'm used to). A standard with the 21st century Christian is the Bible app, which I'm sure many a fellow believer is grateful for; the idea of having easy access to the Word with a couple taps of the touch screen is a win across the board. At the start of the year, I took avantage of the many Bible reading plans available to me, deciding on the basic Bible in one year plan; so far, it's been awesome having a form of motivation to read every day. I haven't read this frequently in a long time to be honest, and every time I'm done with a chapter or portion of scripture, it leaves me wanting to read the next part! About 3 days into the reading plan, a thought popped into my head, which happens to be the point of this entry: the difference between reading the technological Bible and the classic book format. We live in a day and age where convenience is everything; the smaller and more compact, the better it seems to be. Even though phones are kinda growing in size lately, they still manage to be tiny compared to a several hundred page Bible with concordances, index summaries, and maps of ancient Israel featuring the layout of Paul's journeys. Naturally, we would feel more inclined to take the phone to work, school, and even church; so many people nowadays use their phone to follow along sermons, and preachers are even using Bible apps to bring an interactive experience with their congregation using their notes. This was culture shock to me, because ever since my kindergarten days a hardcover Bible's been my go to choice. Then I got to thinking about how this phone would change the way I read; would this be the end of the hard copy era? Would this new Bible format become my new best friend? Would I start reading from the Message translation?? [Hillsong college students would understand that last one as a joke] The field test came this past Sunday, when I visited the church my family's been going to since I was in college in Sydney. I got there early with my sister because she was part of the P&W team for the morning and she needed a co-pilot for the trip there. While the rehearsals were happening, I took out my phone and started reading through the sections for the Bible plan; simple and effective use of my time #winning. The real test came during the preaching of the Word; by this point I had my phone out ready to jump right in. But then I started to think on what would help me be 100% focused to get everything out of this message; those that know me are aware of my impressively short attention span. I'm heaps prone to getting distracted and off track, and considering I had several means of distraction a few clicks away, I had to decide what to do in order to prevent that from happening. So I ended up picking up a Bible and used my phone to take notes; best decision I could have made. I walked out of that church with some of the best notes I've taken in a while; felt pretty good about myself then. So what am I trying to say with all this? Obviously, there's pros and cons with how you read the Word. The technological Bible has the advantage of being easily accessible, lightweight, and has different features like reading plans and outside connectivity. The potential danger is getting lost in the rest of your tech that you could forget it's even there to begin with, as well as getting easily distracted when you are using it. What's always been special about the book to me is that every time I hold one in my hands, it just feels right; holding a "real" Bible carries a certain level of significance. I've left so many Bibles to gather dust in my lifetime, but now that I'm entering a season that will require me to be stronger and closer to God than ever before, I know that I need to be well equipped. For me, both tools are awesome and powerful, but I can't forsake one for the other. Ephesians 6 calls the word a sword of the spirit. Hebrews 4 says the word is sharper than any two-edged sword. We know this thing's not just a random book; it has the power to impact lives and feed our spirits with hope and a genuine sense of peace. Nowadays we carry around lightsabers; nothing wrong with that (they are pretty awesome, after all), but we should ought to have a sword handy instead of automatically ruling it out. God's word is God's word; it's great regardless of how you carry it. My encouragement is that we keep in mind the significance of carrying it, in our hearts as well as in our hands/portable electronic devices.

Now What?

It's been just over 24 hours since I've returned to the Golden State; 3 years on the other side of the world certainly has done me good, but home is home and I can honestly say it's been a blast. I've spent most of the past 48 hours looking back and reminiscing at everything that was; it was a lot to go through, but everything was worth going through. The plane ride was where I really got the sense of what was happening; the last few weeks leading up to my departure from Sydney I didn't have a particular emotional reaction to the fact that this season was over and that I was going home in a matter of days. I remained pretty relaxed about it the whole time, and it wasn't until I was on a plane over the Pacific that I figured out why I was so relaxed. Most people would think that going into the next season of your life would have lots of varied emotions and thoughts attached to it all, but I found myself in a position where there actually was no fear or doubt (I believe Australian culture would describe it as "no worries"). Over time I developed a sense of confidence in the decision I made, and despite all my incredible friends joking around about me staying or straight up telling me not to leave, I remained in my confidence. It had nothing to do with them, but it was more internal for me because I just felt it in my heart that I made the right decision. I didn't know exactly what would happen or what I would do, but I knew that God was in control, and that worry had no place in my life at this point. Before I knew it, I could see the city lights of Oakland, California while the plane was making it's descent; I took this time to just thank Him for everything in my journey, and I prayed for my next season. If there is one thing I'm aware of, it's that God will be the constant, consistent One in my life; doesn't matter if I'm in Sydney, San Francisco, Toronto, Oslo, or Durban because my God is right there with me, slowly unveiling the plan for my life. Then we get to the moment I saw my parents from a distance, watching the gate to see their son walking in their direction; sharing that classic parent-child embrace made the 20 hour trip worth it. These two believed in me, supported me regardless of how good or bad the situation over here was; the joy in their faces made me get emotional for the first time since I left Sydney. The car ride back consisted of me sharing how I felt being back and my parents sharing how things are here; I was just glad to be with them again. Today it was all about family; I feel like this will end up being what my week looks like, and I'm more than fine with that. There's a genuine peace in this house, the Psalm 65:11 House (I'll probably make a whole post about it). All this to say, I'm not worried for this next season. At all. There's lots to discover and explore, and I just want to jump right in and get amongst it. As JT Daly sings, "a better life is waiting." As Brian Houston says, "the best is yet to come." As the Word says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I can live on that.